


Amore

by thathipsterkaiya



Category: Glee, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-10 15:35:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11129712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thathipsterkaiya/pseuds/thathipsterkaiya
Summary: “Most people wouldn’t take too much time in choosing their meal when going out to eat, but Dan wanted to be certain that this meal would be the best one he would ever have in his entire life.”





	Amore

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this fic was interesting to write! While I was eating out at this small Italian restaurant, the idea for this fic came to mind, so I immediately wrote it down in my notes on my phone. The majority of this was written during the extra time I had when I finished each of my finals early; it was like a cool release of creativity after bubbling in letters A-E for an hour non-stop.
> 
> Also, the birth of this fic wouldn’t have been possible without the help of Sam (@crescendohowell) who betaed this fic for me! Thank you for rewording some of my messily phrased sentences, helping fill in some small details that made this fic more whole, and for calling me out on all of my Glee references LOL.
> 
> I dedicate this piece of writing to my friend Ambre (@ambreasc) for cheering me on and for always being a source of positivity, support, and encouragement for this fic and everything beyond it!
> 
> SO YES, it’s like I’m making a speech for the Oscars so I’ll just stop now hahA.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this semi-lengthy oneshot <3

_amore_  
noun  
love; a feeling of great affection

His chest felt heavy as he entered the restaurant. Taking solace in the cozy scent of freshly baked bread and gentle French music playing softly in the background amongst the dull rumble of chattering, Dan let himself be led by a hostess (whose name was Melina according to her name tag) to a small table with two seats.

“Your server will be with you in a moment!” the hostess chirped before spinning around swiftly and heading back to the front of the restaurant, her brown ponytail flouncing behind her.

Dan sighed, staring glumly at the menu. Most people wouldn’t take too much time in choosing their meal when going out to eat, but Dan wanted to be certain that this meal would be the best one he would ever have in his entire life.

“Hi there!” another friendly voice chimed.

Dan’s eyes shot from his menu up to a charming looking male waiter. No offense to the guy, but based on the voice, Dan had been expecting a female waitress. Now that Dan was looking at him though, the waiter was a young man with pale skin, a sculpted narrow face, and dirty blond hair styled into a quiff. He was smiling brightly while Dan kept on staring him for a moment thinking about all of that.

“Hi,” Dan finally mumbled.

“Welcome to _Amore!_ My name’s Kurt and I’ll be your waiter today.”

Dan nodded silently.

“Would you like any wine with your meal today, sir?” the waiter continued.

“Yes please,” Dan replied curtly.

Kurt took out a large bottle of wine and started pouring into his glass, his movements giving off a theatrical vibe. This waiter seemed very spontaneous and the type that might break out in song at any moment with a whole squad of backup dancers ready to enter from the wings as his supporting cast.

“Are you ready to order?” the waiter asked kindly after screwing the cork back into the wine bottle.

“Er, I’ll need another moment.”

“Of course,” Kurt bowed before moving on to the other tables.

Dan thought the bow was a little ostentatious, just like so many of this waiter’s actions seemed to be. He turned back to the menu with a slight frown on his face. Dan skimmed the menu once more, torn between two entrees. But then he remembered that this would be his last meal, and he thought to himself, _fuck it, why not get both?_

A few minutes and a few sips of wine later, Dan noticed Kurt returning to his table with a small basket of bread and a plate of butter. He set it on the table, pulling out a pen and a small notepad that Dan noticed was bejeweled with a few sequins.

“Have you decided on what you’d like to order, sir?”

“Yeah,” Dan breathed out, flipping through his menu. “For an appetizer, I’d like the caesar salad.”

“Alright,” Kurt hummed, scribbling in his notepad. “And for an entree?”

“Actually, is it okay for me to order two entrees?” Dan would have usually been extremely anxious to ask such a question for fear of seeming weird, but he really couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. Besides, it wasn’t like any of that mattered anymore.

“Oh,” Kurt’s mouth formed into the shape of an ‘o.’ “Yes of course. I will warn you though, your wallet will be wriggling in pain when I hand you the bill.”

“It’s fine,” Dan said dismissively.

He thumbed through his menu.”I’ll have the _Pennette alla Vodka_ and the, er, _Pollo alla Quattro Stelle con Salsiccia?_ ” Dan said brokenly, stumbling as he tried to enunciate the names of his entrees.

“I’ll admit, your pronunciation attempt is admirable,” Kurt smiled, still scribbling in his notepad before clicking his pen closed and swiftly pocketing it.

Dan chuckled dryly. “Yeah, I tried.” He had always liked the sound of Italian food names.

Kurt just nodded kindly. “Do you need anything else?”

“No thanks.”

The waiter threw another smile his way before walking away again.

_He has to be gay,_ Dan thought to himself. _I mean, look at the way he walks and talks. Plus the bejeweled notebook. That was just the icing on the cake._

He shook himself out of his thoughts, sighing to himself. Looking around the restaurant, Dan noticed he was the only one who was eating by himself. For fuck’s sake, he was surrounded by sappy couples or families dining out and chattering merrily, _and none of them had a single idea of what he was planning to do,_ a voice in his mind hissed.

A familiar void of emptiness crept its way inside Dan’s again. He exhaled shakily as he closed his eyes and tried to recompose himself. He couldn’t break down now, not yet.

The appetizer and entrees passed by in a blur. Dan forced himself to keep on eating until all of his plates were finished, refusing to leave until he consumed all of the food he ordered.

Despite his full stomach, Dan still felt horribly empty. He could feel that emptiness starting to consume more and more of him until he couldn’t take it anymore. The restaurant was almost empty; he was the last customer. He felt extremely out of place amongst the few waiters cleaning up all of the tables.

Kurt came up to him, smiling kindly at Dan. “Are you ready for your bill?”

Dan nodded, feeling the tears waiting behind the barricade of his eyes.

He could practically feel Kurt’s smile fade away, his face now showing deep concern.

“A-Are you alright, sir?” Kurt asked hesitantly.

Dan just stared at his empty plates, the heat pounding against his face and his eyes. He barely noticed his hands that were balled up into fists, trembling wildly.

“Sir?” Kurt asked faintly, his eyes bearing worry now.

The tears flooded through the barricade; he could feel his walls collapsing as he started to sob and shake violently.

“Oh god! Sir!” Kurt exclaimed, dropping his notepad and reaching his arms out to Dan. Instead of leaning into the warm gesture, Dan flinched away.

“I-I’m sorry,” Dan breathed out through unstable sobs.

Kurt attempted once again to reach out to Dan, gently placing his hand on Dan’s shoulder. He rubbed his shoulder soothingly.

“It’s okay,” Kurt said softly. “It’s okay. You’ll be okay.”

Dan detected a hint of buried sadness and understanding in Kurt’s voice. He didn’t have to meet his eyes to feel the tears hiding behind the waiter’s eyes as well.

“I know someone who could help,” Kurt continued gently. He stood up from his kneeling position.

As he briskly walked toward the kitchen, he turned back to Dan. “Please don’t go anywhere,” he said pleadingly.

Dan only nodded, still staring at the empty plates in front of him on the table.

“I mean it,” Kurt said, his voice wavering slightly.

For once, Dan let himself be helped by someone who wanted to help him. It was only a minute that passed when he heard the door open again and he saw another male waiter. He also had bright blue eyes and pale skin but had black hair styled into a fringe instead of Kurt’s blond quiff. What was most striking about him was his kind smile. He was radiant.

The restaurant was completely empty now save for Kurt, who was cleaning up tables up front, and him and this other male waiter with hair the color of night.

“Hi, I’m Phil,” the waiter said, taking the available seat across from Dan.

He gave Phil an empty stare, making sure to guard what was left of his already fragile emotions.

“You don’t have to be scared,” Phil said gently, tentatively reaching for Dan’s hand, but Dan flinched away again.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he continued.

Dan shook his head fervently. “No, it’s not,” he said brokenly. “Nothing’s okay anymore.”

“Life is hard,” Phil started, “but you can’t give up.”

Dan’s lips thinned, and he continually shook his head to himself. Not now, he was so close to finally ending his suffering. Why are people just now trying to stop him? This wasn’t fair. Dan already made up his mind.

“I’ve already given up,” Dan croaked. “And no one is stopping me.”

Phil gave him a pleading look. Dan couldn’t meet his eyes because he knew that if he saw those damned shining blue irises, his mustered up bravery to finally end it all would disintegrate immediately.

“Please don’t do this,” Phil begged, trying to take his hands again, but Dan slid his hands off the table and onto his lap, continuing incessantly to not make eye contact.

Phil sighed, pondering for a moment.

“I know you might think that you’re alone and nobody cares, but there’s so much life left to live to find those amazing people who’ll love you and make you feel so so happy. So please, give me a chance, but also give yourself another chance to turn your life around.”

Dan was trying to hold back another sob again. He already let his walls crumble down in front of one stranger; he was not about to repeat that with another. His chest tightened as he stopped being able to breathe.

“I have to go,” Dan mumbled, quickly getting up from his seat.

“No no please!” Phil spluttered desperately, clumsily standing up from his chair and rushing after Dan, who was already on his way toward the door.

“You don’t have to do this!” Phil pleaded.

Dan stopped in front of the glass doors. His eyes fell on the reflection of Kurt in the back, who was on the verge of crying as well. His hair looked tousled from being anxiously pulled and his eyes were red and weary; he had changed out of his waiter outfit back into normal clothes. The baggy sleeves of his jacket covering the lower half of his face. He met a set of equally empty eyes in Kurt, and for one bitterly sweet moment, he didn’t feel so alone.

Dan let himself sob, and immediately he felt a hand on his shoulder. He leaned into the warm touch, encouraging the external source of warmth to engulf him even more into a hug. Another pair of arms joined in on the embrace. Dan shut his eyes and let himself be surrounded by the beautiful warmth.

All three of them cried together inside the small Italian restaurant called Amore.

~

_Three years later_

“Hurry up, Dan! Or we’re gonna be late!” Phil shouted, already turning the keys in the entrance door knob and opening it up.

“Hold on!” a voice rung from upstairs. “I just need to straighten my hair!”

“I thought we went over this, your hair looks just as good unstraightened!” Phil shouted back. “Maybe even better!”

“Ugh! Fine!” Dan stopped trying to resist and set the hair straightener down.

“Hey Phil!” a voice rang out from down the hall.

“Hey, Megan!” Phil greeted the young woman. She was dressed in bright yellow galoshes with dirty overalls and a floral print shirt underneath. Her hair tied up into a messy bun pinned with a sunflower on top. In her hand was a rusty old water pot with a faded flower design on it.

“I’m just waiting for Dan,” Phil continued. “We’re having dinner at _Amore_ tonight.”

“Cool cool,” Megan said, placing her key in the door and unlocking it. “Around what time will you be back?”

“Around eight-ish I’d think,” Phil guessed. “Do you know what to do?”

“Yep,” Megan grinned.

“Thank you so much for your help.”

“Anytime for my favorite gays,” Megan winked before heading inside her apartment.

~

Upstairs, Dan glanced at himself in the mirror. Fuller face, eyes the color of hazelnut, a smile as radiant as his beautiful partner.

He took the two glimmering rings on his desk and placed them on his left ring finger, smiling. He let himself glance at the wedding photo of him and Phil, donned in suits and kissing with the backdrop of the sunset.

“DAN!” Phil’s voice groaned from downstairs.

“COMING COMING!” Dan yelled, tumbling downstairs. He was greeted with his black coat colliding full force with his face.

He heard Phil giggling in the distance. Lifting up the jacket from his face, Dan shook his head as Phil zipped up his space coat, hair slightly tousled with a childish toothless grin on his face.

_Damn that smile,_ Dan thought to himself as he ushered his husband and himself out the door.

~

“Reservation under Howell-Lester?” the hostess chirped.

“Yes please, and we’re waiting on two more,” Phil said as he took off his coat. “Also, it’s nice to see you again, Melina.”

The hostess, Melina, grinned. “Nice to see you boys as well! It seems just like yesterday when I saw you walk into this restaurant all by your lonesome,” she said, turning to Dan who just smiled sheepishly.

“Your table’s right this way!” Melina said cheerily, leading them toward their table.

“Oh my god,” Dan blurted out as he saw the location of their table. It was the same exact spot where he had his supposedly last dinner of his life three years ago, except the table was fit for four instead of one or two persons.

Phil turned to Dan and grinned. “I specifically reserved this table for us. I hope you don’t mind?” Phil asked hesitantly.

“Not at all,” Dan replied as he took the same seat he sat in years ago.  He had come to think of that night as the best thing that had ever happened to him. Even given the mental state he had been in and what he had thoughtfully planned out in his mind back then, there was no way that Dan could forget about the two men who saved his dark life and brought in the sunlight.

“Enjoy your meal!” Melina said before flouncing away.

“Do you wanna wait for them to arrive?” Phil asked.

“Texting them right now,” Dan chimed in. “They just parked, so yeah, let’s wait.”

After Dan forcing Phil to watch a 30-second Instagram video of a corgi rolling around in the grass, Phil saw their two guests walk through the door.

“Kurt! Blaine!” Both Dan and Phil exclaimed.

“Hello!” Kurt trilled, his arm linked with another man with dark gelled hair. Kurt was carrying a large gift bag in his other hand. They were both dressed quite fashionably with complementing coats and sleeves. Of course, the outfit coordination was very Kurt-and-Blaine-esque.

The four gathered at their table, exchanging friendly hugs and “how-are-yous” and “you-look-greats” before seating themselves, Dan and Phil on one side and Kurt and Blaine on the other.

“Oh! Dan, don’t think we forgot about your birthday,” Kurt smirked, handing Dan his present. “You can open it after dinner.”

“What? No stop, you didn’t have to get me this!” Dan gawked at the rather gargantuan gift bag placed in his hands.

“Oh hush!” Kurt waved his hand dismissively. “Blaine and I picked it out ourselves!”

“Think of it as an extension of our wedding present to you both,” Blaine winked.

Dan rolled his eyes, but then smiled, linking hands with Phil.

“You two always give us these amazing gifts and all Phil and me give you guys are clothes.”

“Who’s to say that we don’t appreciate that all in the same?” Blaine replied, reaching for the menu. “I’m starving, let’s find our orders.”

“I already know mine,” Dan said, not even picking up the menu.

Phil rolled his eyes. “He’s going all sentimental and ordering the same exact entrees he ordered three years ago.”

“Stop, just stop!” Kurt held up his hands, laughing. “Are you actually serious?”

“Yes,” Dan and Phil said at the same time.

“Well technically Dan’s ordering the pasta and forcing me to order the chicken so we can both share,” Phil added.

“That’s actually really adorable!” Kurt gushed. “Blaine, do you want to-”

“No,” Blaine said flatly, but his serious demeanor shattered upon looking at Kurt’s pout.

“Ugh fine,” Blaine surrendered.

“Yay! So I’m thinking that alfredo pasta…”

Blaine rolled his eyes but then smiled at Kurt as he perused the menu with a calculating look on his face.

~

_Happy Birthday to you!_

_Happy Birthday to you!_

_Happy Birthday, Dear Dan!_

_Happy Birthday to you!_

Everyone cheered as Dan blew out the candles on a huge chocolate cake laid out for him. He turned to Phil, who shoved his iPhone near his face, filming his reaction.

“Stop that, oh my god!” Dan exclaimed, batting away Phil’s bright yellow encased phone.

However, Phil wasn’t the only one eager to record the moment as Kurt and Blaine had their phones out too. The constant flashing and camera shuttering clicks from their phones were starting to give Dan a headache, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

~

“Okay time to head back ours!” Phil announced after paying the bill.

“You guys are coming right?” Dan turned to Kurt and Blaine.

“Yep!” Kurt said, linking arms with Blaine. “Oh! And don’t forget your present!”

“Right right,” Dan said, hastily picking up the giant gift bag sitting on the floor next to his seat.

“Ready to go?” Dan asked as he walked to over to Phil, who was sending a quick text on his phone.

“Yeah,” Phil replied, looking up from his screen and pocketing the device.

~

The quartet was making their way down the hall toward Dan and Phil’s apartment when Kurt stopped them.

“Okay,” he started, “before we go in, Dan, Blaine and I want you to open our present.”

“Why not just wait until we get inside?” Dan gave Kurt a puzzled look.

Kurt just shook his head as Blaine shoved the giant gift bag in Dan’s face.

“Alright alright, I’ll open it,” Dan relented, reaching inside the gift bag whilst maneuvering through all of the extra wrapping paper stuffed inside. He groaned before setting the bag on the floor.

“Too heavy?” Blaine said teasingly, eliciting a playful scowl from Dan as he went on his knees and reached his hand into the giant gift bag again.

To his surprise, Dan felt multiple items within the sea of wrapping paper. He pulled out a giant rubber ball, a rubber bone, and a small machine called an iFetch.

Dan’s eyes widened. _What the fuck? Why would they-_

He shot his head up and realized Phil was gone and the door to their apartment was wide open. From inside the apartment, he faintly heard barking.

“No,” Dan shook his head defiantly, staring at a grinning Kurt and Blaine.

Dan clumsily got to his feet and barreled towards his apartment. He ran up the stairs and almost screamed in euphoric shock at the sight of his husband with a fuzzy corgi puppy panting happily in his arms.

“OH MY GOD!” Dan exclaimed, his arms already reaching out pleadingly for the puppy.

Phil laughed, handing the puppy over to Dan, who immediately snuggled his face into it.

Kurt and Blaine followed behind Dan up the stairs carrying the opened gift bag and the gifts.

“Hi there little guy!” Blaine cooed, holding the rubber ball in his hands. “Wanna fetch?”

The puppy barked, wriggling excitedly in Dan’s arms.

Dan sat down and gently placed the puppy on the floor, watching it go after the ball with Blaine.

Kurt, on the other hand, wrung his nose in slight discomfort.

“Not a huge fan of animals, are you?” Phil asked with a smile.

“Nope,” Kurt replied pointedly. However, his fixed expression of disgust softened when he saw Blaine playing chase with the puppy.

“So the puppy is ours?” Dan asked hopefully, turning to Phil.

“Yep!” Phil replied gleefully. “The puppy is a girl by the way, and you get to name her!”

“Really?” Dan’s eyes widened. “A-Are you sure?”

“Yep.”

“Oh, uh, shit alright,” Dan laughed nervously, already scrolling through his mental list of aesthetic female or gender neutral names for a puppy. “Gonna need some time to think about it.”

“Of course,” Phil nodded. He knew that whatever name Dan picked out would be perfect.

Kurt sat down on the couch, crossing his legs.

“I’m so glad we became friends,” he said.

Phil raised an eyebrow but then smiled. “Me too.”

“Me three,” Dan said faintly. He remembered that day three years ago when he was ready to take his life like it was yesterday. Little had he known that it would really be the day he was given life again. “Thank you for saving my life.”

Kurt shared a look with Phil before the two turned to Dan.

“You’re such a sap,” Kurt replied. “But thank you for making our lives a lot better too. You’ve done more than I think you’ll ever know.”

Dan grinned.

His chest felt light as the sun beamed through the windows, illuminating the apartment. His chest felt light as his husband smushed a cheesy kiss on his cheek. His chest felt light as his flamboyant best friend wrapped his arms around him. His chest felt light as he watched said best friend beam at his boyfriend. His chest felt light as he stroked his brand new puppy’s soft fur.

Taking solace in the comforting aura of his apartment and the positive energy radiating from his friends, Dan finally let himself move on from the past and be happy.

_fin_

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed my fic! Hit me up on my tumblr http://flyingstarshowell.tumblr.com/ if you want to swing by and say hi or even send in prompts! :)


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